Saturday, May 31
A girl called Suzy.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isnt it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens you heart and it means someone can get inside your heart and mess it up. You build up all these defenses. You bulid up this whole armour, for years, so nothing can hurt you. Then it all takes one stupid handsome guy, no different from any other guy, wandering into your stupid life..."
After jotting down her thoughts, Suzy crumpled the piece of paper and threw it into the waste paper basket, with a bad sense of aim. The news she had heard just few hours ago still surprised her. She was completely bewildered by it. Nonplussed, even. She heaved a sigh of irritation mingled with fear. Why? She herself couldnt find the answer to it.
That night was one of the most memorable night of her life. She not only made out with a cute guy at the movie screening after getting drunk over some vodka, but she was so excited because the week was coming to an end. To add on to it, THE NEWS.
Oh, talk about melancholy.
She sat in bed, with her hair undone, contemplating about HERSELF. Because she herself was one confusing mess, what more the problem/s she was facing?
She contemplated about her happy life which was crumbling before her sparkling eyes, like sugar lumps dropping in hot coffee. And she knew she had no one to blame but herself. Like, duh!
In every situation, who else but she would be the one to blame for the cause for all problems? Suzy. Maybe people would even blame her for the melting of the ice caps.
*rolls eyes.
Time check, 2.58am. Suzy texted her best friend but she was sound asleep. At that hour, of course she would be. Suzy browsed through her contacts in her handphone. She was disappointed that the people she could turn to for help narrowed down to two, or maybe three possibilities.
She felt like a suicide bomber with explosives strapped to her body and there was somebody else in charge of the detonator switch. She couldnt bear the suspense any longer. Neither could she afford to even scream out for help, especially when it was three in the morning. Especially when the bomb was about to explode. She just hoped that her problems would disappear into the black night, but it didnt.
In fact, wild thoughts lingered in her mind. Now that she was aware that the guy have known all along, there were huge, excitable tropical butterflies in her stomach. She felt sick. Sick of the situation, and herself. She wished she could hate him as ferociously as he deserved, but she just couldnt. He's just sweet.
Time check, 3.25am. She opened her book and read the poems she had written for the past days. To think that her assumptions would turn out to be true? How ironic.
She closed that book, discouraged to even start another poem. She consoled her disheartened self within, then thought of what her teacher once told her.
"A charismatic guy like him knows he can get any kind of girl."
What the hell? Of course he can.
He's so amazing he can even cast a spell indirectly at any girl with his caustic sense of humour and that hair you just want to ruffle. With that kind of personality and not to mention the smile.
Of course he can.
But for a girl to cast a spell on him? What a shame she cant. Poor thing.
Suzy read her inbox. Somewhere in the middle, it said, "things can change..."
Will it? How can it be? When plans have been made for the future, how can things change? Nearly impossible. She flashbacked to the times where she would lie in bed, thinking of him, beaming like an idiot. Yes, idiot.
With all her might, she tried to remain strong. She tried to hold back the ocean that was waiting to pour down her eyes. Until it slowly spilled by a fraction, followed by some heartrending sobs. Poor Suzy. No one in the world could listen to her. No one in the world could understand her. How would they?
Even her close friends in school have started objecting her crush for that particular guy. Well, everyone was allowed to have fantasies, werent they? Even if all the other girls in school seemed to centre theirs around Nick Jonas, Alyph, yadayadayada. Its not fair. Because whats a crush to do?
Time check, nearly four. She looked through the pictures in her handphone. Smiling to herself, she curled up in bed. She didnt even bother listening to her favourite tracks. She prayed for all her enervating problems to end.
She knew that the love she had for him is just a foray. So on that very night, she had decided to remain just friends. She knew where she stands. And she finally saw that any hint of flirtation from him should be taken with a wagonload of salt.
She stared into the ceiling, thinking maybe she was suffering from meningitis.
Her thoughts began to sway to the pencil in between her book. He once said something that made her smile, words long forgotten. It didnt matter, the memory made her smile again.
Time check, four thirty something. She decided to put his picture down and get some sleep. Sigh. Silly girl.
The following day, she got to know who the lucky girl was. She was happy for him though. Loving someone is not about having him. Its about seeing him happy that makes you happy. She was really happy for him. It didnt matter if things wouldnt change. As long as they're friends.
The story above is about a girl called Suzy. It is not related with those living or dead.
PS: Thank you Si Hui!